For a repeat people-pleaser, saying no is the most powerful thing I can do to get back in balance; however, it’s a huge challenge for me. So, here’s me putting my intention out in the world: I must stop saying yes to things unless it makes me happy. Don’t worry about your innate niceness and people-pleasing ways.
Let this blog be a piece of inspiration and a little extra support in saying yes only when you really mean it. At the moment, I’m stuck in a loop of where I’ve said yes to so many things that I don’t have time for myself, to do those things that I love and make me happy. I don’t have the time to get on my mat to practice without giving up something equally as important, sleep.
It’s better to say no to things and support your friends, family and colleagues in different ways than to burn yourself out because you are innately kind and helpful. Let’s flip it: be kind to yourself and give yourself the best love and support possible: say yes when you really feel strongly about something and you can see the long-term goals.
I’m sure I’m not alone in this people-pleasing loop. I encourage you to go on a simplifying detox and ground back into what makes you happy. Slow down and enjoy every moment rather than making crazy to-do lists and running around like a chicken with your head cut off.
Here are a few tips to try. They’ve definitely helped me tune into what’s important in my life and I hope they help you prioritize what you need too:
● What’s in it for you? Ask yourself before you embark on a new ‘yes’ project. Can you see yourself happy in six months’ time, let alone a few weeks down the road? If the answer is no, then you need to kindly decline.
● Do you get enough sleep at night? This is another big one for me. If I don’t get a good night’s sleep, watch out! Either I’m in a constant state of brain fog or I turn into a grumpy bear. Neither are good options, so if it’s going to significantly affect sleep, kindly decline.
● Is your to-do list manageable? If it is, that’s amazing! Keep doing what you’re doing. If you’re struggling to complete current projects, then there’s no way you should add another thing to the plate. Kindly decline until you have more time in the future to dedicate to something new.
● Does this help you reach bigger life goals? Ask yourself these questions: What are the top 3 most important things in your life right now? How about long term? If new opportunities come up and you’re struggling to say no, compare it to what’s important in your life. If they don’t align, kindly decline until something that does line up comes into your life.
I recently read an article and they quoted the best piece of advice from none other than Phoebe Buffay from Friends. Let me set it up for you, “Pheebs, you wanna help?” To which she replies, “Oh, I wish I could, but I really don’t want to.”
For a people pleaser, this would kill me inside to say something like this to my friends. But, as part of my new intention for the year, I’m going to try it out. Maybe this means I’ll get more time on my yoga mat! How awesome would that be!? Time to try it out so I can ground back into what makes me happy and who I am. Happy grounding everyone!